


A Dozen and An Extra

by jhopefulyoongi



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Crying, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Insecurity, Junhui-centric, M/M, a little smut at the beginning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-22
Updated: 2017-08-22
Packaged: 2018-12-18 17:09:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11879028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jhopefulyoongi/pseuds/jhopefulyoongi
Summary: Sometimes he sees the other members move and live their lives in front of him, and he feels like all of them are going in hyper speed but he’s going in slow motion,  somehow all twelve of them the main characters all at the same time, while Junhui is just in the background.





	A Dozen and An Extra

**Author's Note:**

> why must i always write the saddest stuff out of no where, im already sorry for this

If Junhui’s relationship was a movie, catch him at the right moment and he would say he was nothing but an extra. One of those extras really far in the back that are hanging out of the camera frame and that no one will ever notice or remember, so far away from the main characters that they might as well not even be there. 

 

It’s what he feels like though. Sometimes he sees the other members move and live their lives in front of him, and he feels like all of them are going at hyper speed but he’s going in slow motion,  somehow all twelve of them the main characters all at the same time, while Junhui is just in the background. He’s needed there to make things look realistic and pretty, but he doesn't do anything for the plot, doesn't do anything to make things better, doesn't help. And just like that far away extra, Junhui wonders if there would be any difference at all to the movie if he just wasn't there. 

 

Junhui doesn't always feel like this. A lot of the time he  _ is _ happy, but other times a dark cloud settles over his mind and he can't seem to snap out of it, those thoughts are always on his mind. Sometimes it lasts for days on end, and he can't do anything about it because he doesn't want to bring attention to it. He just feels that it would selfish of him to do, because if everyone else is already happy with how things are, how could he ruin it for them? They smile so beautifully, their laughter makes his stomach explode with butterflies, they're so cute and handsome and beautiful and Junhui always wants them to be nothing but happy and content, never wants them to feel sad or bad about anything, much less be the source of that sadness or anger or stress. 

 

…

 

Jisoo, despite his gentle ways, never fucks anyone gently unless they ask for it. Junhui feels numb, wants to feel something, so he pulls Jisoo to him before anyone else can take him and they lay on one of the beds while everyone else pairs off in couples or trios and starts up as well. Junhui’s knees are pulled up to his chest, his fingers are twisted into the pillowcase, his eyes are closed and he’s trying not to be too loud and Jisoo’s hands are on his thighs, holding him open, fucking into him hard and fast. Junhui opens his eyes and he see’s Jisoo leaning over him to kiss Seokmin, who’s in in Soonyoung’s lap, riding him. Junhui watches them for a moment, as Jisoo keeps fucking his hole and moves one of his hands up to cup Seokmin’s cheek.

 

“Jisoo,” Junhui says softly, only not to receive a response. It’s because it's whispered, and moans and slamming furniture is drowning him out, never allowing his voice to reach Jisoo’s ears. 

 

“Shua hyung,” He says louder, voice tinged with desperation. He doesn't notice that at least six heads not including  Jisoo’s snap up to look over at him with concern, that Wonwoo stops trying to fuck Seungcheol hard enough that they both go through the wall and that Jeonghan and Seungkwan stop their assault on Hansol’s thighs, that Minghao more or less shoves Mingyu right off of him and sits up to look at him. Jisoo stops kissing Seokmin and looks down at him, eyes soft. 

 

“Hyung is here,” Jisoo tells him sweetly, bending down to lay his lips gently against Junhui’s cheeks, hips slowing down until their nearly immobile. “Are you okay?” He asks him quietly. 

 

“Kiss me,” Junhui whimpers, hating how desperate and needy he sounds. Jisoo lets out a breathless laugh. “Is that all you wanted, Junnie?” Jisoo checks and Junhui, with his cheeks, painted red, nods. 

 

Jisoo kisses him, both hands back on Junhui’s legs to keep them up and open, goes back to his brutal way of love making, and Junhui relishes in it. One of Junhui’s hands, the one not coiled around Jisoo’s back now, reaches up, and he holds Seokmin’s hand. Seokmin lets out a wet moan, fingers tightening around Junhui’s fingers whenever Soonyoung hits a good spot. Another hand, Soonyoung’s probably, runs through Junhui’s  hair after he comes screaming Jisoo’s name. Jisoo kisses him hard and tells him how much he loves him before he buries himself fully into his ass and comes in him. 

 

Junhui feels content, if only for a moment. 

 

… 

 

Junhui sees the comments people make online.  Seungcheol always told them not to read through hate comments, whether they were about the group or just one of the members. The thing that really hurts him though, that the people saying these things are necessarily people who hate them, a lot of them are their fans who are saying it, and a lot of them couldn't be considered hate. They’re just...comments. 

 

_ I hope they don't find him annoying when he does that, we all know he means well.  _

 

_ Is it just me or is Jun-ah not particularly close with anyone? _

 

_ Junhui always says he’s close with everyone but doesn't that just mean he’s not very close with any of them?  _

 

It fucks with his head. He knows that no one means any harm by these things, but it makes him think.  _ So it really wasn't just me, this really is how are things are, I’m not just imagining it, they see it too, they see that I annoy them, they see that no one really likes me. They just date me because they would feel bad for leaving me out of things because it would be awkward otherwise.  _

 

Junhui always ate a lot when he was upset, everyone knew that it had even been shared with their Carats on multiple occasions. But even when he wasn't upset, he liked to eat, his mistake was that when Jihoon reached over to take his rice from him like he always did for every meal, he was met with an empty table space. Jihoon paused mid sentence, as he had been telling them all about a something he was working on, which made everyone look at him curiously, and then they all turned to what Jihoon was looking at, which was Junhui shoveling the plain white rice he didn't even like into his mouth with a spoon. 

 

He finishes it, the entire bowl, in just a moment or two,  and then he’s scooping soup and meat up with the same spoon, and they’re all alarmed because they know  _ something  _ must be the matter with him, and they all start thinking about what it could be but they're all also worried that he’s going to make himself sick eating so fast like that. 

 

“Junhui…” Soonyoung starts, but he’s cut off by Junhui slamming his bowl down and standing up, disappearing into his room within a blink of an eye. 

 

They all look at each other, a heavy silence hanging over them. Seungcheol nurses his bottom lip with his teeth, eyes nervous and flickering between everyone’s faces as he tries to think of something to settle them all down before things get too out of control too fast. Minghao sees the worry already creasing Seungcheol’s forehead and immediately stands up. 

 

“I’ll go talk to him,” Minghao volunteers. “If we all go, it might be too much for him.” They all look like they want to argue, and Minghao knows it's because they all love him to death and all want to comfort him and see what's wrong, but they all also know that Junhui will never talk if he gets overwhelmed, which could happen too quickly with all of them. 

 

Seungkwan doesn't look happy, and neither does Mingyu. But before either of them could interject, or volunteer to go with him, Soonyoung springs up from his seat, takes Minghao's hand, and the two of them are slowly making their way to Junhui’s room. They can already hear the grumbling and whispers behind them and he hopes Jeonghan or Mingyu or anyone will get Seungcheol’s attention so he doesn't sit and worry all by himself like he always does. 

 

The sight in the room breaks their hearts, Junhui huddled up all by himself in one of their beds, which alone feels wrong, and crying his eyes out, wiping his own tears away with his sleeve and sniffling weakly around his sobs. 

 

“Junnie,” Soonyoung says.

 

Junhui lets out a strangled, horrible sob when he sees them and wraps around himself, turning away from them and huddling even closer to the wall. Minghao lets go of Soonyoung’s hand and doesn't hesitate to sit on the bed, which is actually Wonwoo’s, and place his hand on Junhui’s broad shoulder. Junhui jumps and curls away from his hand and Minghao feels his heart drop in his stomach. He looks back at Soonyoung for his help and Soonyoung joins him, sitting on the edge of the bed. 

 

“What’s wrong, baby?” Soonyoung asks him, trying to keep his voice light and sweet. He wishes he had Jisoo’s voice, it would probably be more effective and by the look Minghao shoots him he isn't doing a very good job. 

 

But, surprisingly, Junhui answers him,

 

“I don't know,” Junhui says, voice trembling. “I dont know whats wrong with me.” 

 

“What do you mean?” Minghao asks him. He puts his hand on Junhui’s back and this time Junhui lets him. “Talk to us.” 

 

Junhui turns around, his face and hair a mess, but he crawls over on his knees and hides into Minghao’s chest, wrapping his arms tightly around the younger’s thin waist. “Just hold me for a little while,” he begs them, and Minghao holds him, and Soonyoung moves forward to wrap his arms around both of them. Junhui whimpers and sobs, his noises so heartbreaking Soonyoung can feel the corners of his eyes prickling, but he ignores it. Junhui is always their median, always there for them, always holding them above the water and staying positive for them. Soonyoung wants to be strong for him right now, and so does Minghao, and so does everyone else waiting out in the living room for him right now. 

 

“I don't know how to explain what I’m feeling,” Junhui says, eventually, still crying. “I just know that I feel like it often and I don't even know what to do when I feel like this and I don't know how to tell any of you because I’m afraid.” 

 

“You can tell us,” Minghao promises him. “We won't be angry at you, no matter what it is.” 

 

Soonyoung thinks he hears the floor creak, but he doesn't turn around to look. 

 

“It’s like...I’m not necessary,” Junhui says. 

 

“What do you mean?” Soonyoung asks, heart already descending to his stomach. 

 

“Like, I’m not needed. In our relationship. Like I’m just an extra piece to a puzzle that's already completed and it doesn't matter if I’m here or not.” Junhui inhales sharply, painfully. “And sometimes, I think, it’s not me that just thinks like that, and that all of you think like that way too, and that I’m just here because you would feel bad for me if I wasn't included.” 

 

Soonyoung is very still, and so is Minghao. Junhui’s words shock them, they've never thought that way. Junhui is a vital and important member of their team, and to their relationship, they wouldn't be able to function properly without him there with them. Without him, the whole chess board with collapse, just like if you dared to remove any of the thirteen pieces that they are. Thirteen is an odd number, both literally and figuratively, but it's just how they work, and they wouldn't be able to work any other way. 

 

Ten little ~~actually not little at all~~ pairs of feet scuttle into the room, and Soonyoung would be exasperated if they were in any different situation, if Junhui was upset over anything else that wasn't their entire relationship and his meaning in it. 

 

Somehow, they all force themselves onto the bed with them, and they all touch some part of Junhui’s body and he’s still crying, but it's quieter now, more stable, like the weight of his feelings is no longer suffocating him anymore now that he’s told them about it. 

 

“Junnie,” Seungcheol says. “We love you.” He sounds like he’s close to tears too and Soonyoung lets out a sigh of relief when Hansol strokes a hand over Seungcheol’s head to comfort him so he doesn't lose it. He can cry later, just like the rest of them all plan on doing, and they can all comfort each other then. But for now...for now, Junhui is in an even greater need of their reassurance and love. 

 

Junhui is quiet, and then, “I love all of you too.” 

 

“I’m not gonna say “you know” or “you should know” because apparently you don't and I’m not sure who’s fault that is or if it's anyone's fault.” Jihoon takes over for Seungcheol. “But we all love you, like Cheolie said,  you’re not unnecessary or unneeded, we need you and we love you and we wouldn't be able to be happy without you here with us, and I speak for all of us when I say I’m so, so sorry if I or any of us have ever done anything to make you feel differently.” 

 

“It’s not just me who thinks like that,” Junhui says. “It’s not just people who hate us who say things like that, that I say I’m close to everyone because I’m actually  not close to anyone and that I do things that annoy you and stuff, it’s people who like us too.” 

 

“Junhui,” Minghao says. “Mingyu annoys me at least a hundred times a day and I still love him. Just because you do something that annoys us, it doesn't mean we don't care about and love you.”

 

“Annoying people is a form of love, I would say,” Seungkwan adds and Chan muffles his laughter into Jihoon’s shoulder. 

 

“And you  _ are _ close to all of us,” Jeonghan says. “We’re fucking dating, for god’s sake, we’ve been dating for literal years, of course, you’re close to all of us. You just always tell the full truth, we tell parts of the truth and just pick and choose in our answers because of specific shipping and stuff. But let's be honest, at the end of the day, 0T13 is the best ship and there isn't 0T13 without Wen Junhui.” 

 

“Who taught you ‘OT13’?” Jisoo asks. 

 

“Hansol has an AO3 account and sometimes I read his stuff, but we can talk about that later. The point is-” 

 

“The point is,” Jisoo takes over smoothly. “Just like Jihoon said, we love you, none of that ‘you're close to no one’ stuff is true, and even if you  _ do  _ annoy us we always end up just thinking you’re cute. So please don't read those comments anymore, and just look to us when you feel like this, we will always reassure you, always tell you how much we love you, always remind you how much we need you and care about you and that even though you can't see it, we wouldn't be us without you.” 

 

“We’ll do our best to make sure you see it eventually, hyung.” Chan pipes up sweetly from where he’s squished between Wonwoo and Jihoon. “But even then, we’ll remind you.” 

 

Junhui is quiet, they are all quiet. Junhui is still sniffling but he isn't crying anymore and they all feel relieved. 

 

“Thank you,” Is all he says, all he has to say for them to understand how much their words mean to him. Of course, some words alone are not going to heal his wounds, of course he will still have his moments of doubt and hurt, but now he believes that when he does feel like this, he is no longer alone, he can talk to them about it, and they will be understanding and kind because they always are with the serious stuff with each other, he never needed to hide it from them, they would never be mad about it. Junhui loves them, they love him just as much, things aren't perfectly okay but they could all make it be eventually. It will take time, but Junhui is okay with that. He isn't afraid of his thoughts and that heavy cloud anymore, not when he has them helping him. 

 

“Hey guys, can we get up before we break this bed,” Hansol says suddenly.

 

“Hansol it’s literally my bed and I didn't say anything because I have some tact,” Wonwoo says. 

 

Junhui laughs though, and they end up throwing down mats and pillows and blankets all sleeping on the floor together. Seungcheol sleeps on one side of him and Seungkwan sleeps on the other, Mingyu sleeps by his feet like an enormous puppy and Minghao sleeps by his head, running his fingers through his hair as they all lay together in the darkness. 

 

Junhui had never considered that just like he thought of them, they also never wanted to see him sad, never wanted him to be upset, always wanted to see him smiling and laughing and happy. Some of them lay awake, guilt heavy in their hearts, because some of them had noticed when Junhui's eyes had became muggy, seen his shoulders slump, but they had so often just brushed it off as him being tired, they never thought their positve boy would be feeling those things. From now one, they promised to themselves and the others, that they really would do everything to make him feel better, would look out for not only him but everyone else better too. They never wanted any of them to ever feel like this ever again, they loved each other so much, and even though this relationship could be hectic at times, none of them, not a single one, would ever have things any other way. They were perfect, the thirteen of them together, soulmates, with invisible strings connecting their hearts all together. Perfect didn't necessarily mean that they would never have hard times, times when they messed up or misunderstood, it meant that, when those things did happen, they would make things right again. 

 

Junhui lays there, surrounded by the people he loved and was blissfully unaware of their thoughts. 

 

Junhui feels content, safe and understood, and this time it will last much longer than a few moments.

**Author's Note:**

> I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE THIS CAME FROM AND I AM SO SORRY FOR IT JFHSHDFHSJDF
> 
> you're 1000% welcome to come scream at me for this  
> twitter: moonsjunhuis  
> tumblr: moonsjunhui


End file.
